When I Burn This Place Down

Feeling pretty run down today. Not sure if it’s a cold setting in or maybe just a minor bout of depression. I’m exhausted after weeks of sustained activity and pushing myself to get that book out. Still got a few more to go, and then I have to get back to simply writing. When I’m all manic and wonderful, this sounds like a perfect plan. On days like today, I just want to curl up on the sofa and watch Bugs Bunny cartoons and try real hard not to think too hard.

So as you can well imagine, blogging isn’t a high priority for me today. I made something like eight or nine entries yesterday (only pimping three or four), and they were all read by between one and six people a piece, which netted me about forty-three hits in total. Sounds like a good number if you don’t count the fact that it was the smallest showing of the last seven days.

I know, I sound petty, grousing about hit stats. I’m just trying to figure out how this whole thing works, and so far as I can tell, the job consists of posting three to four times a day, speaking with at least two or three other human beings on various social media, and trying to be more entertainer and friend than sales-drone. Obvious, really. I don’t hang around with lots of people who don’t know how to act like humans and would rather sell you something at any given moment. Why should you?

But that’s kind of where I’m at right now. I’m making these books because I’m out of work, out of clients, and out of money. These aren’t the books I want to be working on right now; they’re just the books that are closest to ready to go.

The bills are predictably getting way out of control, and I really wouldn’t mind if someone would come along and help me pay down things like this credit card debt that is thoroughly unmanageable at the moment. I can’t even actually use the thing, so it’s not like I’m digging myself any deeper. It’s just become impossible to keep up with the interest payments.

Yes, I know about consolidation and bankruptcy, but I’m actually trying to get my wife into school so she can go study to become a library technician and at least find work that suits her better than answering phones and telling people she can’t help them, which is kind of like telling her to kick puppies.

So yeah, financial hell, here. I haven’t totally convinced myself that selling my fiction as ebooks will make everything better, but I have to tell you, it wouldn’t hurt my feelings if I sold enough to buy some groceries or something.

Alright, enough self-pity. I’m gonna go make some tea and breakfast and see if that doesn’t cheer me up a bit. Succeeding that, I’ll come back and try to write something a little more positive. Failing that, I’ll be on the sofa with my (sister’s) Bugs Bunny DVDs.


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