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Thought You Might Have More to Say, But It Never Quite Reached My Ears

May 14, 2012

I haven’t been posting first hand over here in a while, because I started the new, all-in-one all purpose blog overe HERE. I think a lot of people eithe rmoved over there or basically gave up on reading me here. Shame, really, because I almost felt like I was getting to know who my audience was, over here. Overe there, I feel like I’m tlaking to myself a lot. Probably because no one ever comments on that blog. Ah well. Enough whining.

I’m writing a new short story, just to fill the time before my wife gets up and I can start working on music. The current story, called The God of Squirrels, which I may include in one of the books I’m supposed to be finishing and releasing once the album is finished–I did mention that I’m recording a new album, right?–if I don’t just leave it as a new collection under the title I gave the project: Customs and Road Songs of Limbo.

I started the Books of Limbo series as a means to package and sell my short story fiction, but I haven’t released any of those books yet, because I decided they needed some ‘new’ fiction to make the collections valid. Perhaps I should be using this early morning, no-music-recording time to work on those and get them out the door, while I wait. Maybe I should be doing that now instead of starting a new collection. I don’t know. All I know is, I had an idea for a new story, and needed to start getting it down.

The album (remember the album I mentioned?) approaches completion, though it feels more like it’s only half done. I could probably push the deadline back anothe rmonth or two, but I really want to get it done soon, while I can still justify working on it full time. I’ve been so short on funds of late, it may soon become necessary to put all of my plans aside and focus on getting another day job, or perhaps reviving my graphics business. I’ve been feeling the urge to do some graphic design for clients again, in no small part because I’d like some of my graphic design work to earn some money around here again.

My songwriting partner and I ahve been disagreeing on my treatments of songs he has a personal stake in. I begin to suspect I’m watching the birth of a new solo recording career. Perhaps soon there will only be the People’s Republic of Limbo, and Etcetera/Thesis will be a memory. I don’t know. I don’t precisely welcome it. I just don’t want to argue about arrangements, which have been largely my domain for quite some time. It’s not an area I feel comfortable having to debate. I’d much rather just go in and play all the parts and prove that I’m right, rather than have someone I love telling me they think I’ve got too much stuff going on in there. My attitude might be unjustified, but I can’t help but feel that I’ve proven myself enough times that I shouldn’t need to prove my point anymore.

And yet, isn’t the whole exercise of writing, performing and recording an album no one is clamouring for kind of an effort to prove something?

I guess I just object to needing validation from my closest friends as well as the vast majority of people who have never heard my music. There has to come a point where the people I know and love realize that I’m pretty good at this stuff, and deserve support instead of doubt.

Don’t get me wrong: I can take criticism. I require it, really. However, I need that criticism to be constructive, so I can figure out ways to make the songs better. When the best you can offer me is ‘it’s too busy’, I start thinking I’ve been having a conversation in my head, and not with a real person with thoughts and ideas as valid and insightful as my own.

I should really be mroe generous. The only people who have heard the majority of the album are my wife and my songwriting partner. They have each said they like at least one song on the album; Dawn likes I’m Gone Again, and Gary likes Old Man Saturn. They may like others, but those are the ones I have distinct memories of them saying they liked such and such a track.

Personally, the most important tracks on the album for me are the instrumental segments. I sort of feel like it’s the instrumentals that need my love the most. Even Old Man Saturn and On My Mind have pretty solid lyrics to carry them through, if anyone ever listens to them. But the instrumentals are going to be the part that requires more effort to sell, because I’m not really that kind of musician, and yet that kind of performance is key to selling these particular pieces of music.

The other thing I did that was musical was a vocal and bass recording for a song written and recorded by a friend. that was a fun exercise, and I’m not finished polishing the bass performance, but I’ve had trouble finding time and ambition to finish the song. I’ve been feeling as if that song needs more love than I can give it, because it’s not a true collaboration. My friend is very sweet, but I can tell she’s not used to collaborating with the likes of me. I don’t take direction as well as I’d like.

Finally, all of the other people I’ve asked to contribute parts to the album have been too busy or disinterested in helping me out. Makes me think I haven’t been wearing the right cologne.

Okay, so that’s me posting something over here for those who have obstinately been hanging around here instead of coming over and adding my new blog.

Take care, be well, and thank you for reading.

Lee.

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