You Lose

STRONG LANGUAGE ALERT: The following is a very colourful screed about the fallacy of debating sexism in video games while clutching your penis and thumping your chest while wearing a monkey suit. NSFW.

The problem with the debate about sexist tropes in video gaming is, the people arguing the loudest are invariably the least rational and the least capable of holding a civilized, productive debate.

The first logical fallacy is maintaining that there is nothing wrong with sexism in gaming because the people pointing it out are ‘FemiNazis’ who are just trying to take away our ‘male-safe space’. Your male-safe space is the problem. It’s a happy little bubble where you go to objectify women and circle jerk and act like an asshole. That’s all it is. Nothing sacred to it. A man who can’t live without this sort of behaviour isn’t really a man, because only abused, shell-shocked women will tolerate it, and if you can’t behave that way in front of a strong woman, chances are, you’re acting like a child, not a real man. Grow the fuck up.

You see, rather than debate the actual point of discussion (i.e. too many video games portray women as helpless sex objects, which teaches men to treat women not as people but as possessions to be treated and punished as we see fit), we clamp our hands to our heads screaming ‘La La La LA LA’ as loud as we can, and when she stops talking, we start bashing at her like an orangutan trying to open a can of peanuts. We’ll call her anything and everything under the sun to try to shut her up, whoever she is, and we don’t even really care who she is or what she says, so long as we can find an emotional chink in her armour to tear her apart with.

Make a video explaining why many video games make women feel like shit? We’ll mansplain why you’re wrong to feel that way, and then perhaps threaten to rape you in the comments section, to teach you a lesson about opening your sexy mouth out of turn. Start a kickstarter campaign to make videos talking about the systemic problems within Gamer Culture? We’ll baselessly accuse you of being a scam artist, merely wanting money to go buy frilly hats and shit. And maybe threaten to rape you as well, just for good measure.

See what just happened there?

You see, it’s all such bullshit, it doesn’t even deserve to be debated. If you can’t see the logical fallacy of protecting your sexist boy’s club mentality, then you have failed to grasp the problem entirely. And in the process, you are making all male gamers look like asses just for owning a penis and a penis substitute… err… I mean game controller.

ProTip #1: This is the 21st Century. Yes, I’m still waiting for my jetpack, too. But meanwhile, perhaps we could all as men try a little harder NOT to drag our fucking knuckles on the ground quite so much.

The second fallacy is that ‘she has no right to debate the issue if she isn’t a member of the club’ (i.e.: the Not a Gamer debate). Where did that bullshit come from? ‘You don’t know what it’s like to be a gamer, so shut up’? ‘I was a 98lb weakling in school, so let me have my digital titties; I’ve earned them’?

Bullshit. If more women don’t play certain games, there has to be a logical reason, and it’s not chromosomal. It’s not because women are predisposed to prefer Barbies and easy bake ovens. I know women who game. Game hard, even. MOST of the women I hold dearest to my heart are awesome gamers, and could kick your lily white ass, in or out of game. And even they have largely been driven out of gamer circles because of the toxic atmosphere of gamer culture these days. They don’t want to put up with our tirades and our snide remarks and our crude ‘jokes’ (which ARE actually attacks on their gender, you realize?) anymore. Who would have thunk it?

This is because we make women feel like shit for even trying to be part of the discussion, unless they promise to be good gamer girlfriends, serve the nacho chips and Mountain Dew, and give the occasional blow job during raid. All in all, not a solid position, guys.

I know. I’m making polemic arguments. You’re already pissed at my ‘baseless’ statements. Too bad. You can dish it out, but you clearly can’t take it. How’s that for a knuckle dragging argument?

And that’s what it all looks like from the outside, you know? Mainstream media is covering this ‘debate’, and the reviews are looking really bad for the boy’s team. We look like a bunch of fucking savages. Amateur Hour.

ProTip #2: Before you shoot your mouth off about racial or gender-based discrimination, Check Your Privilege and make sure you aren’t already already guilty of some or all of the accusations. No point in trying to argue your way out of a wet paper bag; wait long enough and it will fall apart around you. And before there is any confusion, that wet paper bag is made from the slender thread of lies you’ve been telling yourselves and each other to keep this whole charade of a ‘debate’ alive. You can’t win, because you already lost. You invalidated every good point you MAY have had by resorting to rape threats and shit slinging. And don’t tell me it wasn’t you. You may not have made the threats, but someone you know did, and you said shit to them about it. Well fuck that. I’m calling you out. Me too. It took this long for me to come to grips with my passive acceptance and complicity in the Boy’s Club mentality at work here.

We as Gamers are probably all geeks/nerds on some level, and probably have been most of our lives. As well, we’ve probably all been treated like shit at some point in our lives for not being alpha enough. I know I was, for years. I literally can’t tell you how many times I got beat up just for being the small, chubby kid with the glasses and the big vocabulary. I lost fucking count. But what do we take away from that experience? Did we learn to be more compassionate and accepting of others? Fuck, no. We learned how to treat those whom we perceive as being beneath us (Caste System, anyone?) with the same contempt and derision we get. And we justify it by saying we’re just keeping it real and making the weak stronger. Tough Love? Really? Bullshit!

One last thing before you go: I don’t hate men. I AM a man, and I love sexuality and the female form, in all of its shapes and sizes. But there’s a whole lotsa times I wish I could say I’m not a member of this club, and they usually happen when I find myself in a group of men bashing or otherwise baselessly demeaning women, especially when they’re not around to defend themselves in person. Most of these comments and arguments go on behind women’s backs, or down in the sleazy pit of some comment section with no moderation or Netiquette enforcement. There’s a word for what happens in there: Disinhibited. It’s when we slip and let down our guard, and start to behave in ways we wouldn’t normally condone in polite society. It’s when our monkey brains take over and we start defecating and flinging feces on everything in protest, rather than calm down and produce a reasonable argument as to why we disagree, even if we’re eventually proven wrong. And we seem to do it every time, the weak- and the strong-minded alike (just with slightly different language). We start off making logical argument noises, but it almost always seems to be rife with logical fallacies, until we run out of male rights activism points to parrot faithfully. Then we get pissed off and start lashing out.

And every time we do this, we lose the debate.

Let me put it to you another way: You Lose. Game Over. Now turn off the console and go do something fucking productive. Like your homework. Or your laundry. At least take a fucking shower.

Thank you for reading this far. And on behalf of the upright-walking members of the male gender, I apologize to any and all women who have felt maligned by the male-dominated cultures of the world. We really are a pathetic lot, but some of us are trying.


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